🔗 Share this article

I have been friends with a woman, a person who's overcome several challenges, which I admire. But, she's repeatedly taken by surprise in relationships. Her partner ended their marriage, which came as a huge shock. A lot of her friends vanished then, as they were focused solely on him. This surprised her. She put in increased attention in our friendship, and must have grasped more clearly what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, several close to her have disappeared without her being knowing the cause. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, although she was very skilled at her work, her exit happened not understanding the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we have each retired leading to more time together, but I am finding my position in the relationship is to listen. I open subjects and she changes them to what interests her. In terms of politics, she holds strong opinions. I attempt to recommend factchecking or other angles.

She's been arranging a vacation to a country I've visited on several occasions and resided in for some time. I attempted to offer personal experiences, however, my input met with resistance. She really only wanted me to confirm her plans. I have come back from 30 days in that country and she wants to reconnect, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to be a friend who cuts and runs without a word, but I don't think she can grasp the impact of her actions on my self-esteem. At this point, my state is avoidance mode. What should I do?

Ways Forward

One option is to end things abruptly, yet this is rarely the peaceful resolution that we desire. However, addressing it with a view to resolution takes courage and openness for each of you.

Experts suggest using a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step requires explaining the usual pattern during your discussions. Aim for this to be objective and clear like exactly what occurs. Next involves sharing her how it affects you emotionally. This allows for no disagreement about this. Your feelings belong to you, of course. Step three is to ask how you are both going to change the pattern in your relationship."

Remember your friend has a point of view, so you need to stay open to acknowledge it. An approach that works is telling to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

This can be impactful in fostering better communication.

Final Thoughts

This person could ignore all you say, as some people cling to a “survival narrative”: they have a narrative about themselves they cannot let go of since their identity depends upon it being the only thing familiar to them. This poses a challenge because there's no clear path in such cases, mere obstacles. But she may initially present defensively before reflecting on your words. If a resolution isn't found a resolution, it provides peace knowing you were truthful.